My Story 29

Rabbi Nissan Dovid Kiwak was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. As a young man, he already thirsted for G-d. I heard from one of his classmates that in High School he would often get into trouble for hiding religious works inside his secular textbooks, so as not to waste a second from his Divine Service. He came to Israel, and, like me, was very disappointed with the spiritual level he found there. Yet, he was always filled with joy, and refused to worry about anything. Many people have told me that when they sat next to him, even if they were completely calm, they felt like a bundle of nerves compared to him. Whenever I tell him that I am worried about one problem or another, he will always interrupt me and say "first rule: don't worry". Soon after I met him, I heard that he had cosigned someone's mortgage (standard with Israeli mortgages that one needs at least three cosigners), who had subsequently left Israel, leaving him with the debt. I called him to offer my sympathy. "I don't talk about such things on Yom Tov" he replied. "But today isn't Yom Tov". "To me, every day is Yom Tov". At the time I met him, he was trying to remain anonymous. People who would get turned on to Rabbi Nachman through him, would be directed to one of the leaders in the Breslov community. He eventually saw, alas, that all the people who really "got it", were so hounded by opposition, as to render them ineffective. He soon accepted the mantle of leadership, and now has a following of thousands. However, he is careful to avoid trappings of honor and authority. He refuses to allow people to stand up for him. Once, before Rosh HaShanah, when Hasidim visit their Rebbes, and present a sum of money for "redemption" (pidyon), I approached him with a small sum. He said to his close followers who were standing nearby "look what a racket this is! I didn't do anything for the guy, and he's giving me money!". (In fact, he had done a great deal for me!) Another time, I gave him pidyon before Rosh Hashanah (about $100). he said. "Oh, thank you! You just reminded me that I also need to give pidyon". He returned to me all of the money except for $3. Essentially, he wanted to make clear to me that he is not a Rebbe. There was only one Rabbi Nachman who taught the truths of life. Once we begin to attach significance to the disciples, the message is either distorted or lost. To him, the presence of G-d was so real, that all other things paled in comparison. Rabbi Nachman had taught that joy and confidence in G-d's plans were the essence of life. I had heard that from many, but I only saw that in Rav Kiwak. The question that I had come to discuss with him the day I got off the bus, expecting a short clarification, was a very minor halachic issue, where Rabbi Nachman seemed to be siding with a small minority view, which seemed to me to be illogical. At the end of two hours of halachic and Kabbalistic exposition, he said to me: "Look at this pile of books we needed to analyze one small point. Every word in Likkutei Moharan deserves this kind of analysis. No commentary has yet been written that even scratches the surface. Ninety-seven percent of the teachings that we have from Rabbi Nachman fit together beautifully. Three percent contradict the other ninety-seven percent. We must conclude that either we are missing information, or else the ones who transmitted the information may have been mistaken. What do I do? I ignore the three percent. What does everyone else do? They conclude that something in the three percent is the main message! That is why there are twenty factions in Breslov!". The question I had asked, he concluded, was a mistaken understanding on the part of Rabbi Natan, Rabbi Nachman's main disciple. But it was not such a big mistake that arguments and strife must result! He made it clear that, in his opinion, most rabbis did not know G-d, but were about power and honor. Of those that do, each has a peripheral issue that they see as being beyond all others. The wise man only seeks G-d, and ignores the falsehood and pettiness. He left me with the following story: A donor to a mental hospital came to visit the facility. The director greeted him at the door. "Welcome! Here is a plaque with your name and the names of your family members. Here is the room for people who think they are lions. We feed them raw meat. Here is the room for people who think they are eagles. We have perches in trees where they build nests". Likewise, the director showed him many other rooms, filled with people with different delusions. "But this room, we will skip". The donor asked why. "This room is for the most horrible people in the world! Because of them, there is death and pestilence! All human agony comes from them! Let's not go there"! "But who are they?" demanded the donor. "These are the people who think they are the Messiah!" "So?" asked the donor. "They can't be the Messiah! I'M THE MESSIAH!". With that, Rabbi Kiwak had answered nearly all of my questions. I wasn't wrong in my perceptions; I was all too right! "Leadership", in all areas, was mostly about people with ego issues. Those who were sincere generally missed the point of Judaism, and became captives to their own illusions and delusions. Our job? To serve G-d, be happy, and enjoy the show! Rav Kiwak was only thirty years old when I met him. but he seemed to possess the wisdom of the ages!