The groom is escorted to the marriage canopy. He stands under the huppah/canopy, awaiting his bride. The bride enters the area where the wedding is to be held (usually outdoors). The person performing the wedding calls out "Welcome! The bride is beautiful and comely!". The bride then walks to the huppah, usually accompanied by either her parents or the two mothers. In most Ashkenazic communities, the bride circles the groom seven times. There is no known origin for this custom. Many connect it to a Biblical verse that say "The female will surround the male". There are many interpretations. I have even seen a feminist interpretation that it is like the Israelites marching around Jericho until the walls came down. She is trying to break down the walls of ego, so he can allow her "in". Until about twenty years ago, this tradition was only observed in ultra-Orthodox communities, but is today almost universal among Ashkenazim (but unknown in non-Ashkenazic circles). During this time, those present sing very contemplative melodies. There is a beautiful haunting Chabad melody that has been adopted in many circles, even non-hassidic. There is a belief that the couple's ancestors come at this point. In many Hasidic circles, there is also the belief that their community's Rebbes of past generations come as well, in order to bless the bride and groom.
What few people realize is that our present-day marriage ceremony is really two ceremonies, that were once held as much as a year apart. The first is the kiddushin (consecration) ceremony, sometimes called "Erusin", usually translated "betrothal", but this is a misnomer. The ceremony consists of two blessings being recited; one over wine, a second blessing praises G-d for the institution and laws of marriage, forbidding incest, and permitting to us those consecrated by Huppah and Kiddushin. Bride and groom then sip from the cup. In Sepharadic circles, the rabbi also takes a sip of wine. Then the defining moment happens. The groom produces a ring. (In a few communities, a silver coin, rather than a ring, is used.) Two witnesses come forward. The groom is asked if the ring is his property (as opposed to borrowed). When he responds in the affirmative, the witnesses are asked to estimate if the ring is worth at least a "perutah" (an ancient coin, now worth about three cents.) I never saw a wedding where the answer was no. Actually, any article worth more than a perutah could be used, but the general custom is a ring. No stone should be on the ring, so that no deception could occur. (I thought it was a diamond. I wouldn't have married him had I known it was only quartz).There are different customs regarding the ring. Most people prefer a smooth gold wedding band, symbolizing a smooth life together. Some even file away the engraved inscription of the number of karats. On the other hand, some, following the Zohar, use a silver ring, round on the inside and square on the outside. Silver, because the word in Hebrew is "kesef" which also means "longing". The unusual shape signifies the two Hebrew letters, samech and (final) mem, which the Talmud indicates stood on the Tablets by a miracle. (The inscription on the tablets went through and through. How did these two letters then stand, seeing as their inner part is surrounded completely, which would leave it hanging in air? They stood by a miracle!) Every marriage stands by miracles! With the witnesses watching, the groom puts the ring on her finger, reciting "Behold! You are consecrated to me by this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel". (technically, if a man gave an article of value to a woman in front of witnesses, while making this statement, that would be efficacious.This often happens in summer camps, with people who have learned a bit of Talmud. It often necessitates a formal divorce. More on that later in this series). At the conclusion of this act, the bride is now married to the groom, in regards to every other man in the world. She is consecrated! But she is not yet permitted to the groom. In ancient times, she now was given the time to buy all her needs for her new married life, and he could build and set up their home. In the meanwhile, they would still live separately, although in some communities they would both live in the bride's home, albeit in separate rooms.This was eventually seen as too risky; both in terms of the couple succumbing to temptation, as well as the possibility of infidelity, which would amount to adultery. Eventually, it was decided to hold the two ceremonies simultaneously. The second ceremony, the Nissuin, is held a few moments later, separated by the reading of the ketubah. That will be my next post.
What few people realize is that our present-day marriage ceremony is really two ceremonies, that were once held as much as a year apart. The first is the kiddushin (consecration) ceremony, sometimes called "Erusin", usually translated "betrothal", but this is a misnomer. The ceremony consists of two blessings being recited; one over wine, a second blessing praises G-d for the institution and laws of marriage, forbidding incest, and permitting to us those consecrated by Huppah and Kiddushin. Bride and groom then sip from the cup. In Sepharadic circles, the rabbi also takes a sip of wine. Then the defining moment happens. The groom produces a ring. (In a few communities, a silver coin, rather than a ring, is used.) Two witnesses come forward. The groom is asked if the ring is his property (as opposed to borrowed). When he responds in the affirmative, the witnesses are asked to estimate if the ring is worth at least a "perutah" (an ancient coin, now worth about three cents.) I never saw a wedding where the answer was no. Actually, any article worth more than a perutah could be used, but the general custom is a ring. No stone should be on the ring, so that no deception could occur. (I thought it was a diamond. I wouldn't have married him had I known it was only quartz).There are different customs regarding the ring. Most people prefer a smooth gold wedding band, symbolizing a smooth life together. Some even file away the engraved inscription of the number of karats. On the other hand, some, following the Zohar, use a silver ring, round on the inside and square on the outside. Silver, because the word in Hebrew is "kesef" which also means "longing". The unusual shape signifies the two Hebrew letters, samech and (final) mem, which the Talmud indicates stood on the Tablets by a miracle. (The inscription on the tablets went through and through. How did these two letters then stand, seeing as their inner part is surrounded completely, which would leave it hanging in air? They stood by a miracle!) Every marriage stands by miracles! With the witnesses watching, the groom puts the ring on her finger, reciting "Behold! You are consecrated to me by this ring in accordance with the law of Moses and Israel". (technically, if a man gave an article of value to a woman in front of witnesses, while making this statement, that would be efficacious.This often happens in summer camps, with people who have learned a bit of Talmud. It often necessitates a formal divorce. More on that later in this series). At the conclusion of this act, the bride is now married to the groom, in regards to every other man in the world. She is consecrated! But she is not yet permitted to the groom. In ancient times, she now was given the time to buy all her needs for her new married life, and he could build and set up their home. In the meanwhile, they would still live separately, although in some communities they would both live in the bride's home, albeit in separate rooms.This was eventually seen as too risky; both in terms of the couple succumbing to temptation, as well as the possibility of infidelity, which would amount to adultery. Eventually, it was decided to hold the two ceremonies simultaneously. The second ceremony, the Nissuin, is held a few moments later, separated by the reading of the ketubah. That will be my next post.
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