My Story 9

One of my favorite movies is the 1970 hit, Little Big Man. It was very controversial, and set off several law suits. It was the first movie, to my knowledge, that told the story of the Old West from the point of view of the Native Americans. The film had moments of laughter, and moments of tears. It was about a white settler, whose family was wiped out by Pawnee Indians, but who was adopted by Cheyenne Indians. Throughout the movie, he goes back and forth between the White Man and the Red Man, with the White always coming out as morally inferior. Throughout the movie, there is the looming presence of General George Armstrong Custer. He is rarely on screen, but he is constantly causing bad things to happen. He so much wants to become President, he is happy to kill men, women and children in order to achieve that. At the beginning, he is a hero. As the movie progresses, we see that he is an egomaniac. He eventually has the hero's family killed. In return, the hero tricks him into the battle of the Little Big Horn, where Custer is killed. Custer goes from hero, to a mentally unstable man, to ultimate villain. He remains a great American hero, but we learn that the idol has clay feet.
In my life, my General Custer has been, and continues to be, "Rabbi" Shlomo Carlebach (1925-1994). Carlebach came from a long line of great German rabbis. He and his twin brother, Rabbi Eliyahu Chaim Carlebach, were born to their parents late in life. I had heard that they were born through a blessing of the previous Lubavitcher Rebbe. I once asked their mother about this, who replied "Ach! We went to many Rebbes". Both brothers were educated in the prestigious, but very anti-Hasidic, Lakewood Yeshiva. Both excelled in their studies. First Eliyahu Chaim became drawn to Hasidism. Later, his brother Shlomo followed suit. Shlomo put out his first album of original Hasidic songs in the mid 1950s. His career was encouraged by Bob Dylan and Pete Seeger. He began giving concerts, which were very well received. His music became a part of the liturgy of synagogues across the spectrum. You have undoubtedly heard his melodies, and just assumed that they are ancient Jewish songs. He began to attract a following of "groupies". Many Orthodox rabbis were scandalized by the fact that he held mixed-gender concerts, but some felt that this was fully justified, in order to bring young Jews back to their roots.  Moshe Feinstein, when questioned if it was not forbidden to listen to the songs of this "heretic", responded that he isn't a heretic, but merely overly lax in his observance. His music was to be considered "kosher". Carlebach would walk into a room. All would rush up to him for hugs and kisses. He would embrace all. calling them "holy brothers" and "holy sisters". I must admit, I was very taken by his charisma and dedication. I chalked up his laxity as being like one who is trying to rescue a drowning person. If he refuses because the drowning person is a scantily clad woman, the Talmud calls him a "Pious Fool" (Hasid Shoteh). Yes, as far as I was concerned, the man was a self-sacrificing saint. True, he was persona-non-grata in many communities. Even the Lubavitcher Rebbe had thrown him out. But he was SO COOL. Yes, rumors circulated that there was a dark side; a side of sexual abuse, but most people simply cried "lashon hara" and the reports were squelched... until after his death. I had seen him captivate an audience. I had seen him bring people who were distant from Judaism back by the thousands, often at great personal expense. But reports of abuse, some from girls as young as twelve, were trickling out. I chose not to believe these reports. (I never claimed to be smart). When I returned to New York to learn about Breslov, I was still single. Moreover, I was unemployed, albeit by choice, and no young woman would consider me for marriage. Then, on a Wednesday evening in March, 1976, a young woman came into a class on Breslov, at which I was also in attendance. My friends said "this one is for Jeff!" She had come from Boston to New York to learn about Rabbi Nachman. She was a follower of Shlomo Carlebach, who often quoted Rabbi Nachman. She appeared to be the woman of my dreams. She needed a ride after the class, and I offered her a lift. We wound up conversing for many hours into the night. She was knowledgeable. She was spiritual, She was prayerful. She seemed too good to be true. For the next several weeks, I chauffeured her around New York, taking her to classes and lectures. Three weeks later, we were engaged. Two weeks after that, we were married. Shlomo co-officiated at our wedding, together with one of the Breslov rabbis with whom I was studying. In the wedding pictures, one can see the Breslover rabbi wincing from pain at having to see and hear Carlebach. But I was ecstatic. All these rabbis just didn't understand...or so I thought. I was soon in for the trauma of my life.