Purim 2

Let's put the Purim story into historical context. The Jews had been exiled to Babylon in about 586 BCE. (Rabbinic tradition maintains a later date). The Prophet Jeremiah predicted that the dominion of Babylon would only last another 70 years. In fact, at the 70 year mark, Babylon was conquered by Persia. Persian rule was quite tolerant, and allowed subjugated peoples to return to their lands, and rebuild their cities and temples, albeit with autonomy, not independence.. Cyrus the Great issued an order regarding the Jews; they may return to Judea, and rebuild the Temple with governemnt funding. Several royal reigns were to follow, during which political intrigue delayed this building, and the Jews who moved back to Judea (the majority chose to remain in exile) lived very precariously, especially from their sworn enemies, the Samaritans. The story of the Megillah takes place at this time, although there is debate as to exactly when. Persian rule encompassed the entire Middle East, and extended as far as India, until it fell to the Greeks under Alexander. Here is the story in a nutshell, for those unfamiliar. Ahasuerus became King, although, according to tradition, not by his own merit, but through marriage to the heir to the throne, Vashti. When he felt that his hold on the throne was solid, he made a huge party in celebration. The Megillah describes the huge feast, and mentions ominously that he served food "on vessels; various kinds of vessels". This is interpreted to mean that he arrogantly used the vessels of the Temple, that had been carried away to Babylon. As the Jews also partook in the feast, Divine displeasure was aroused. Forces were set in motion, leading to the near destruction of the Jewish people, and finally their deliverance. The King becomes displeased with Vashti for refusing to be put on display (various explanations of why are offered), and the King is urged to not allow her insubordination to go unpunished. She is removed (killed?), and a new Queen is sought. Finally Esther, whose real name is Hadassah, is chosen to be Queen. Her cousin (NOT her uncle, as generally assumed), Mordecai, urges her to keep her identity secret. (According to tradition, he was also her husband, and her becoming Queen was under duress). In the meanwhile, a courtier, Haman, rises in importance. He demands that everyone bow before him, but Mordecai refuses. Haman bribes the King to destroy not only Mordecai, but all the Jews. An irrevocable order is issued. Under Mordecai's urging, Esther invites the King and Haman to a wine filled feast, during which she reveals her identity, and the fact that Haman is having her and her people killed. Esther fasts . Mordecai unites the Jews in prayer and fasting. The actual events occur during Passover, but eleven months of preparation for battle occur, with the Jews organizing a defense, and Haman's supporters (he himself has already been executed), gathering to commit violence against the Jews on the thirteenth of Adar, the original date planned for our destruction. The Jews fought back, and destroy the enemy, resting from battle on the fourteenth of Adar, declaring it a perpetual holiday. In Shushan (Sousa), the royal capitol, the enemy was stronger, and another day of battle ensued, with the Jews resting and celebrating on the fifteenth of Adar. We are told that henceforth and forever, the Jews in walled cities will celebrate the fifteenth, while those in small cities and villages will celebrate the fourteenth, with joy, feasting, sending gifts of food to each other, and charity for the poor. In my next post, I will go into the larger meaning of these events, and how we celebrate.

My Story 51

We frantically looked for someplace to move to. Some money was still coming in, mostly from students whom I continued to teach. I was also the Jewish chaplain for a local nursing home. Sadly, the nursing home changed owners, and over the course of two years, the position disappeared. Sima got a part time job as a receptionist in a dental office. She held that for two years. Everything seemed to be fine there until one day, two years later, the dentist called, telling Sima not to come in anymore, as he had "documentation" that she was stealing toothbrushes and dental floss (!!!). Of course, there was no truth to this. We can only speculate what was behind her firing. We at first looked for an apartment in Island Park and nearby areas. Things were either prohibitively expensive, or total dumps. We realized that this was no solution. Several of my kids were looking out for rentals for us in Far Rockaway (the southeastern corner of New York City). Once a fashionable Summer resort area, it had, since the late 1960s, deteriorated into a semi-slum, but showed signs of a beginning recovery. We looked at many hole-in-the-wall basement apartments, which brought back to us our ill-fated year in Monsey. On top of that, everyone I knew who had ever lived in Far Rockaway had horror stories of landlords from Hell. A few days before our month was up in Island Park, one of my daughters-in-law saw an online ad for a small, reasonably priced (by New York standards) apartment. Within ten minutes of the ad having been placed, she went and told the landlord that her in-laws would probably want it, and would be by the next morning. It was tiny by comparison with the house we were leaving, but since we were now "just the two of us", it would be adequate. This turned out to be a major blessing. First, the landlord, who put on a tough image, was, and is, one of the most generous and kind people I have ever met. Now, eleven years later, he is constantly showering us with gifts; sometimes even cash. Prices for rentals have gone up considerably in the area, but he has never raised the rent. Secondly, the entire area was hit half a year later by Superstorm Sandy. Island Park sustained the worst damage, taking a direct hit. Long Beach was without drinking water for weeks. The basement apartments we had looked at were totally underwater. Many homes are still uninhabitable. There were fatalities in Island Park. Far Rockaway was also badly hit. Many houses were severely damaged. The flood came exactly up to the beginning of the lawn of the house we now live in, no further. We were safe, and our possessions were miraculously intact. Our old synagogue had been hit badly, only a month after a flood caused by a burst water pipe on the eve of the High Holidays had caused extensive damage. (Services were held at Fr Tutone's church). I have been told that some speculated that this was Divine Retribution for the way I had been treated. We now had an apartment. We could see the hand of G-d in the midst of all this disaster.We were being protected. Still, I felt frustrated that I was, essentially useless. I offered to teach Torah online. Many expressed interest, but only one couple, who were considering conversion, actually followed through. Although they expressed gratitude to me, I am grateful to them, as this gave me a sense of doing some good in the world. The challenges, however, were still not over. The following year, 2013, family and friends raised money to enable Sima and me to make the Rosh HaShana pilgrimage to Uman. Sima had been there twice before, but never for Rosh HaShana, when some 80,000 people come from all over the world; mostly from Israel. Sima went a week early, helping one of our kids and his wife take care of their children. I was scheduled to leave a few days later, needing to do a program at the nursing home. The day she left, I woke up with a fever, a rash on my right leg, and difficulty breathing. I told her to go anyway, and I would see a doctor. The doctor called 911, and put me in the hospital. The local hospital was really bad. I had three doctors taking care of me, none of whom could speak a decent English. One was Russian, one Indian, and one Pakistani. I expected hostilities to break out at any moment. The Indian, and especially the Pakistani were really nasty as well. I was misdiagnosed several times. I was to spend Rosh HaShana in the hospital. For Shabbat and the two days of Rosh HaShana, two of my daughters and their husbands very generously took turns staying with me, so that I would not be alone. After two weeks, although the fever was gone, the rash, which had badly blistered, was still there. But the insurance had run out, and I was sent home. I saw my primary care physician, who took one look, and told me the leg needed to be amputated. One of my daughters-in-law urged me to go to a much better hospital, where her cousin was the chief of surgery. He ordered his wound specialist to see me immediately. The wound specialist said that he was too busy. The surgeon told him that if he didn't see me, he was out of a job. He suddenly changed his mind. (For once "protekzia" was working FOR me!) One of my sons drove me to the hospital, as I was mentally, emotionally, and spiritually preparing myself for the amputation. The specialist met me at the door, took a look at my leg, and told me that I had been grossly misdiagnosed, and needed nothing more than special stockings. The nightmare was over, except for a mysterious, severe joint pain, which had begun my second day in the hospital, and showed no signs of easing. Just getting in and out of bed gave me excruciating pain.I could only walk a few feet, and that only with a walker. No one knew what it was from, or how to treat it. Pain killers were next to useless. Later, it was later discovered that this was a side effect of one of the antibiotics I had been given. In some people, it attacked muscle. Several people had died. In fact, I was lucky to be alive. I was essentially bedridden for the next six months. Ironically, this proved to be a great blessing. More on that next time.

My Story 55

Back in 1987, when I was working for a Jerusalem Tefillin store, three of my coworkers conspired to frame the owner, in order to put him out of business and take over the store. They were backed by a prominent rabbi, who appeared to be in on the plot, although it turned out that he wasn't, but had believed their lies. (In the heat of the dispute,  I said some really bad things to him, for which I later apologized. He said "No apology necessary. The way it looked, you were right to have said those things"). They attempted to include me in the conspiracy, but I refused. I was perplexed. Here were three religious men, at least one a scholar, who were perpetrating character and professional assassination against the man who had been their benefactor. At that time, I had been following Rabbi Kiwak for two years. I ran to his apartment in pain and confusion. He listened to the story, looked at me and smiled. "Reb Yaakov (my Hebrew name), how old are you?" "Thirty seven. Why?" "Oh, I thought you were twelve. This is the reality of the world and people. For money, power, or honor, they will do anything. It is the rare individual who does not operate like that! We must make every effort to be one of the rare individuals".I think this story is the best summation for this series. Rabbi Nachman had taught that the inner reality of the world is joy, holiness and happiness. But these are surrounded by layers of illusion. Every ideology is part of that illusion, except Torah. But even Torah can be turned and twisted until it is really an anti-Torah. But one can find Truth, ignore the machinations of scoundrels, charlatans, and politicians, and live a truly happy and productive life in accordance with absolute Truth. I have seen abuse, falsehood, and every kind of corruption over the course of my life. I have been hurt and betrayed by people I trusted and admired. But I have also been helped by strangers, who had nothing to gain by coming to my aid. Rabbi Nachman said "even from me will come false leaders". Indeed, I have encountered three prominent Breslovers who turned out to be sexual predators. I'm sure there are more. I have encountered people steeped in illusion, but convinced that they are on the right track. My job...and yours, is to recognize the illusion, give a laugh, and go forward to reality...which is only G-d. I have met people whose entire reality was G-d, and would guide all seekers, and disparage their own importance. At times of crisis, I would often temporarily forget, these truths. That is when the pain comes. Only when I, at last, remembered them, did I return to joy. Rabbi Kiwak also stressed to me that many of the people I had become disillusioned with, were not bad people, but were "broken". A lifetime of dashed hopes and shattered dreams had worn them down, to the point where they didn't really care anymore. Our job is not to judge them, but to find G-d, and put everything into that perspective.  I originally wrote this series eight years ago, because of a controversy concerning a prominent charlatan. People began hurling cries of "lashon hara" at me and at others who protested. Herein lies the worst problem, to my mind, facing Orthodoxy today. The Chafetz Chaim, writing at the turn of the twentieth century, saw a Jewish world filled with gossip, character assassination, and slander. He wrote many books on the prohibitions related to the tongue. But he greatly exaggerated many points, seeing lashon hara as so very destructive that it needs to be completely negated. To be sure, he included the times when we may, or even must, expose dangerous individuals. But these laws almost disappear in his extensive exhortations against lashon hara. People began to be afraid to say ANYTHING! In RAMBAM's Code, lashon hara takes up part of one chapter, consisting of eight brief paragraphs. The great emphasis on not speaking lashon hara, has, in my opinion, made the Orthodox community the ideal refuge for predators, thieves, and scoundrels of every kind, and occasionally murderers. They are shielded by a community that sees not talking as an ideal. That is an anti-Torah if I have ever seen one. Rabbi Kiwak once said to me "the greatest sins result from the fear of speaking lashon hara". It does not need to be that way! My final words in this series are from the theologian, Reinhold Niebuhr, words that I often include in my own prayers: "G-d grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Purim 1

It is perhaps one of the great tragedies of Judaism that in popular consciousness Purim is seen as a children's holiday. It is in many ways the most profound of our celebrations. The Talmud contains an entire tractate on Purim, besides having one of the twenty-four Biblical books dedicated to it. This is in contrast to Hanukkah's half-page in the Talmud. The Talmud even goes so far as to proclaim: "In the future, all holidays will be nullified, except for Purim".(Not that they will no longer exist and be celebrated, but that they will pale in comparison) The Zohar boldly reinterprets Yom Kippur, called Yom Kippurim in the Torah (Day of Atonement), as "Yom K'Purim" (A Day Like Purm; close but no cigar). Although Biblical critics love to dismiss all Jewish observances, they have a field day with the Book of Esther. When I was in college, I was taught that Purim and the Book of Esther represent a wholesale appropriation of a pagan Babylonian legend. The main gods of Babylon, Marduk and Ishtar, were trying to protect Babylon from an evil demon named Human. This is still taught in non-Orthodox seminaries and day schools. However, no such legend has ever been found, nor any reference to a demon by that name. This was merely the speculation of nineteenth-century Bible critics. Even the King of Persia in the story, Ahasuerus (Ahashverosh) was believed to be fictional, until a cuneiform tablet mentioning his name was discovered in 2015. Then again, Purim has its haters. In 1966, I met Ernst Simon, a noted scholar and peace activist. I was surprised to learn that every year on Purim he would go out of his way to be in Jerusalem for the first day, and Tel Aviv for the second day, in order to avoid having to celebrate it (the first day is celebrated in most cities other than Jerusalem, with the second day celebrated in Jerusalem.) He explained that the Megillah (Book of Esther) was simply too violent. It is true, though, that Purim is a very strange holiday. The Book of Esther does not mention G-d even once; the only book of the Bible to omit Him completely, with the possible exception of Song of Songs, which contains one word that MAY mean G-d. The mitzvot of Purim involve the reading of this book (Twice! Once in the evening and once in the morning), gifts of food, money, eating and drinking. Especially drinking. In fact, the Talmud specifically says to drink on Purim until one is unable to distinguish between "Cursed is Haman, and Blessed is Mordecai". Many reinterpret this to mean "a little more than usual", while many others (including yours truly) interpret it quite literally. (Note: Those with medical issues are excused). All of the laws of Purim apply equally to both men and women, a most unusual situation. How does any of this make sense for a religious celebration? That is just the point! The Megillah doesn't mention G-d outright, but He is between the lines on every page! Whereas the other festivals celebrate open intervention by G-d, the Megillah shows how G-d works through history; through ordinary men and women. Whereas on Yom Kippur we approach G-d by stepping out of our routine in the extreme, on Purim, we find Him in the everyday, even in events that seem tragic! Hence, no distinction between Mordecai, the Blessing, and Haman, the Curse! This is the very idea of the Messianic Era; G-d being seen within the world (the knowledge of G-d filling the Earth as the waters fill the seas). Therefore, we are informed of the survival of Purim into the Days of the Messiah! In fact, the name Esther is interpreted as "Hester" (hiding). We pull off the mask from the observable world, and find G-d!. Many interpret the custom in some places of wearing costumes and masks as representing this idea. Other communities wear Shabbat garb, although it is completely a weekday in terms of labors. Kabbalistically, work is permissible on Purim NOT because it isn't as holy as other holidays, but rather it is so holy that it cannot be defiled! Distinctions fall by the wayside. Good and Evil, even gender distinctions, simply do not exist. Although cross-dressing is Biblically forbidden, many Ashkenazim permit it for Purim! What is done and why? To be continued.

My Story 54

The classic structure of a Jewish community had been the "Kahal System", with a Lay and Rabbinic council, that would provide for the religious and cultural needs of the people. Courts, butchers, Mikvaot, care of the sick and dying, burial of the dead, were all part of that system. Going outside the system, usually meant disconnecting from Judaism entirely. In the last few centuries, as Jews became more active in the wider society, being Jewish was more a religious, rather than an all pervasive, force. East European communities began to have synagogues centered on occupation. The shoemakers synagogue, the cattle merchants synagogue, the blacksmith's synagogue, began to replace the central city synagogue. When Jews migrated to the New World, synagogues tended to be based on national origin; the Polish, German, Lithuanian, Spanish-Portuguese, largely took the place of the tradesmen's synagogues. Now,rabbis were the heads of synagogues, rather than communities. These maintained the rites and customs of the "Old Country", and served as cultural centers, often alongside a "landsmanschaft", an organization of Jews from a particular town. I still remember as a child being taken to meetings of my grandparents' landsmanschaft. The next generation rarely felt the need for these associations. But most Orthodox synagogues continued, until about 1960, to maintain the "Old World", with sermons in Yiddish, and East European customs preserved as in a museum. The younger generation mostly did not relate to this, and often stopped coming to synagogue altogether. Orthodoxy, in some places, was just beginning to reinvent itself. That would take another decade or two. Jumping into the breach, was the Conservative movement. It had existed since the 1870s, but had not defined itself as something "different". The great exodus to suburbia of the '50s and '60s, found Jews geographically separated from each other. The Conservative movement issued an opinion, intended to be an "emergency measure", that one may use a car on Shabbat, but only to go to and from synagogue. Later, this was made standard policy. This paved the way for huge synagogues, servicing a wide geographical area. (One Orthodox rabbi quipped that American Jews had an "Edifice Complex".) Synagogues began calling themselves "Jewish Centers", reflecting a new reality of Jews associating with other Jews, as a means to reinforce identity, as much as meeting spiritual needs. Conservatism became the predominant Jewish movement in America for the next half century. (It is now the smallest). Its thrust was to enable affluent, educated Jews to maintain an American lifestyle, while still preserving the "feel", and much of the form of traditional Judaism. In the '50s and '60s, they still put out pamphlets for their members on how to keep Shabbat, Kashrut, and even "family purity" (laws of menstruation). Little by little, those Jews who sought tradition, gravitated to Orthodoxy, while those who no longer related to it, went in the direction of Reform. Conservatism saw the need to reinvent itself as well. However, different leaders took different directions. Some sought to maintain tradition, albeit with adjustments. Some sought to become "Reform Lite". Many saw the necessity and appropriateness of becoming centers for social justice, now re-dubbed "Tikkun Olam", a classical, spiritual concept of "fixing the world", now applied to liberal politics and activism of various kinds. Conservative synagogues are vastly different from one another as a result. An important figure in mid-twentieth-century Conservative Judaism was Prof. A. J. Heschel. He marched with Dr. Martin Luther King. He also had a lot to say about Modern Judaism, both positive and negative. Many idolized him. Some of his colleagues refused to speak with him. He was the last glimmer of hope for spirituality in mainstream, non-Orthodox American Jewry. By the dawn of the twenty-first century, his ideals were all but forgotten. Conservatism today is mostly pursuing a Marxist ideal, comingled with a vague notion of Jewish culture. This was the new reality I found in the American Jewish community to which I returned in 2001.

My Story 53

Now, what have I learned? In a world of moral relativism, endless hate and violence, perverted science, and a thousand other ills, the Torah of G-d stands out as a beacon of light and truth. The rabbis of the Talmud, however, state that the Torah, "for one who merits, is an elixir of life, for one who doesn't merit, it becomes a deadly poison". Do we come to Torah seeking G-d, or trying to impose our agenda on Him? Do we approach the mitzvot as opportunities to "touch G-d", or as restrictions and hardships that we must endure? Are we mindful of the statement in Torah that disaster comes because of lack of joy in Divine service (Deuteronomy 28:47), or do we approach it as a dread burden? Rabbi Nachman's disciple, Rabbi Natan, compares the difference between a Hasid and a non-Hasid to a knish (A Jewish delicacy, made from seasoned mashed potatoes, covered in dough and fried), . A hot knish and a cold knish have exactly the same ingredients, yet their taste is totally different. Perhaps we can use that as an analogy of not only Hasid versus non-Hasid, but also to those who "get it" and those who don't.. I think before we go any further, we need to discuss the issue of rabbis, as we are dependent upon them to teach us. One of the most fundamental flaws in people's thinking, is that all rabbis are created equal. This is not the case. Non-Orthodox rabbis study a totally different curriculum than Orthodox. Here, however, I would like to discuss Orthodox rabbis and their differences. Let's use the analogy of the medical profession. There are great doctors, immersed in advanced research. Every new idea in medicine must go through "peer review." Even ideas that have gone through extensive double blind and triple blind testing, must have their results reviewed, and even retested. These are not the doctors you and I encounter. They are in their laboratories. These are the men and women who "really know". However, that is not to say that they are free of the influence of the politics of medical associations, or even the pressures of drug manufacturers. They are also divorced from the people. So there are the "Gedolim", super rabbis who have vast amounts of Torah literature committed to memory, and are trained in analyzing and comparing sources. Few people deal with them, but they make the decisions that become standard policy, and are the "rabbis' rabbis". Each group has them. They often come to different conclusions, but that is the way of Torah. The Talmud is mostly debates! However, like the great doctors, there are also pressures and constraints on them, whether communal, organizational, or from sources of funding. In some cases, especially in Israel, they are often the titular heads of political parties. One very great rabbi, whose picture was often on election pamphlets, "ruling" that the Torah obligates one to vote for that party, told me "I hate the party; but it is they who pay my salary". Nevertheless, one who is sensitive and knowledgeable can read between the lines, and understand the Gadol's true intent. The next level of doctors, and rabbis, are the teachers in the great institutions. In the case of doctors, these are not the people who do the research but are intimately familiar with that literature. Their grasp of the ins and outs of current research enables them to sort out good ideas from bad, as well as to teach others. So there are rabbis whose knowledge is not connected with developing new ideas, but rather sorting out the major views, and putting them into perspective. They will not be pulpit rabbis, but will train them. Then there are doctors who actually see and treat patients. They don't do the research, but apply the discoveries and insights they have learned to their practice. Some will be general practitioners, some will be specialists. They must keep up with discoveries that others have made. So there are pulpit rabbis, who have gone through practical training, primarily in halachah. Most are familiar with those areas which affect people's lives. But their knowledge is usually limited. Some will become expert in one particular area of Judaism. When a difficult question comes up, they will need to consult the great rabbis I have discussed above. Many, after receiving their ordination, will continue deepening and broadening their knowledge. Sadly, in the U.S. and many other countries, congregations favor "young and dynamic" over experienced and scholarly. These congregations are missing out on a great deal. Many, however, do little study after being ordained and become communal leaders, attempting to uplift their congregations in any way possible. These may be compared to First Responders. They do an indispensable service, but must not be confused with those who have delved into the depths of Torah. In the medical field, we have next the salesmen of drugs and medical equipment. They know their products. They will inform doctors of the benefits of what they are selling. Unfortunately, their job is to sell, and will thus often skew the information on the products. Many states have laws forbidding these men from giving the doctors gifts (bribes), which used to be standard. In the late '70s, there was a scandal when it was discovered that salesmen were performing operations, in order to teach the doctors how the new equipment was to be used! This is now illegal. So there are "kiruv" rabbis. Their job is to win adherents to Orthodox Judaism. They are rarely scholars, and usually have only "honorary" semichot. They usually follow a "party line", and often misrepresent the truth. I know a man who is very resentful of the fact that he was converted to Judaism based on a lecture he attended, that "proved" that there is no depression in the Orthodox community! One well known Rebbetzin was lecturing in the '60s that there is no "generation gap" (strife between parents and children) in the Orthodox community. (I guess she never heard of teenagers). Many people have written about the deception of "kiruv weekends", filled with song and dancing, which they never again see after they are "in". In my opinion, honesty is the best policy. Yes, Torah will answer all their questions, deception will only lead to problems down the line. In the medical field, there are also "snake oil salesmen", who tout worthless, unscientific remedies. So there are a host of "rabbinic" charlatans, telling people what they want to hear, or espousing their own theories, which are often without Torah basis. Some do it to get rich. Some may be sincere, but their Judaism is "homespun". They are generally "self-ordained" or have purchased a rabbinic title. They are heavily represented online. I have encountered all of these during my career. I have seen rabbis whose hands I have kissed upon hearing their teachings. I have also encountered rabbis whose hands I would like to slap for their blatant distortions. In my next installment, I will analyze the issue of community.

My Story 52

During the time after my illness, when I spent my time in bed, I felt very frustrated that the knowledge and experience I had accumulated were going to waste, benefiting no one. Then, one day I received a message from my Facebook friend, Ariella Butler (now Ariella A. Fishman), that Rabbi Yaakov Sandler was looking for other rabbis to write for his hugely successful FB group "A Taste of Torah". She had recommended me to him.I was shocked and pleased that I, a virtual unknown, would be approached. At the same time, I had severe reservations. I don't follow the party line of watered down Lithuanian Yeshiva Judaism or of its leadership. I follow Rabbi Nachman, unknown to most, hated by many. I consider the Sepharadic approach to halachah as the only authentic one. I am critical of Israeli life, and consider aliyah, at this juncture, to be the worst possible mistake anyone could make. How could I fit into Rabbi Sandler's program? Rabbi Sandler assured me of freedom of expression. I agreed to try it. I am enormously grateful to Ariella for opening that door for me. I wrote a post nearly every day for a year. The posts were well received. I had never considered myself as having any talent for writing. My days were spent working on the group, as well as speaking privately to group members all over the world about their questions concerning Judaism, as well as their personal problems. The work did not come with a salary, but generous people were helping us, particularly from the Sepharadic community in Long Beach, as well as loyal students. Then I realized that I was seeing before my eyes the fulfillment of one of Rabbi Nachman's teachings; that income has nothing to do with work. I was doing HaShem's work, and being sustained by Him as well. However, problems did arise. Other moderators were not as open as Rabbi Sandler. One wrote to me, scolding me for discussing halachah, which only the "gedolim" (the "great ones", i.e., the heads of the Lithuanian Yeshivot) had a right to do. Another moderator scolded me for my criticism of Rabbi ArtScroll, insisting that all rabbis need to show a united front. Yet another moderator was encouraging Karaites to join the group, with the hope of "bringing them back". More often, they would write arrogantly against the Oral Torah. I would boot those people from the group. But Rabbi Sandler felt that we needed to give them a chance to "do Teshuvah" (repent). I felt that we were, in essence, giving them a platform. Questions? Sure! Diatribes? No! Rabbi Sandler vacillated on this, changing his stance several times. I wanted to write an article against the near deification of ShlomIo Carlebach, that was nixed. I began to feel uncomfortable. On top of this, Rabbi Sandler would post pro-aliyah pleas, which made me very uneasy. I especially would be disturbed by posts based on fear: "Can't you see the writing on the wall? It's time to come home". Been there, done that. paid the price. I knew I could not continue. At this time, another long-time Facebook friend asked me to help run a private women's group. This is a topic near and dear to my heart. Some say I make Gloria Steinem look like a male chauvinist. But when the friend told me that her personal rabbi would also be running the group, I hesitated. She assured me that he was open and kind. I worked on that group for about two weeks. Then this "open and kind" rabbi began to berate my posts. I was helping the women to distinguish between halachah, and "this is the way we've always done it". The other rabbi protested that minhag (custom) is the primary guideline in Judaism (even if these minhagim are only a few decades old). That idea elicits in me feelings only sightly less extreme than listening to a neo-Nazi rally. To my mind, he was part of the problem, not part of the solution. I waited an hour for someone to say something in response to his insults, but no one did. I left the group. Sadly, the friend who got me to work with the group unfriended me.That is when I decided to make my own group. Although there have been bumps on the road, I feel that this is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  Seven years ago, an agent who matches up rabbis with congregations contacted me about a lucrative position not far from where I live. When I told him my reservations about taking another run-of-the-mill synagogue, where no one really cares about Torah or spirituality, whereas that is my main message, he told me "tell them that you don't believe in these things, but are forced to present that front in order to survive in an Orthodox community." Perhaps this is the best commentary on what Judaism and community have come to mean for most people. An old friend of mine was a convert. He had actually been a Minister (AME). He told me that a few years after he had left Christianity and the Ministry, a delegation from his old Church came to him asking him to come back to their congregation. "But I'm Jewish now!" he protested. "Oh, we don't care what you believe!"   I, too, have encountered an idealiziation of conformity, that screams "we don't care what you believe". An unexpected, but positive, turn of events occurred about seven years ago. A nice lady named Sashya Clark joined the group. I was extremely hesitant at first, as she made it clear that she was Messianic. I have long had Christians in the group. As long as they respected what the group was about, and did no evangelizing, that is fine. Messianics were a different story. They began as a trick of the Southern Baptist Church. They called it "Jews For Jesus". It was in every way a fundamentalist, missionizing group, Church funded,  but with kipot and tallitot, together with lots of "Mazel Tovs" It was deceptive from beginning to end. Many other such groups sprang up, all with self-styled rabbis, usually making it up as they went along. One, Hebrew Roots, is widely considered to be antisemitic. (I heartily agree). One of our members brilliantly dubbed these movements "Christianity with a Tallit". But Sashya was different. She believed in the Torah, Written and Oral, she believed in the Unity of G-d, and did not believe in the Divinity of Jesus.  For a year, I carefully watched her posts, and saw in them no deception. At the end of the year, she introduced me to Clear B'rewer, and the Assemble Together group. I held extensive talks with Clear, and became convinced in not only his sincerity, but in his Monotheism. He was openly critical of Church Doctrines, and committed to Torah values. Make no mistake, I am not  Messianic, nor do I believe that Jesus fulfilled any Scriptures. I also see nothing new or great in his teachings. But it is also possible, or even likely, that his teachings had been grossly distorted. This idea had already been put forth by Rabbi Yaakov Emden (1697-1776). Considering Rabbi Nachman's teaching that there is a mitzvah to bring non-Jews "close to the Faith of Israel", I cautiously accepted the task of teaching Judaism for A-T. I have been doing that for just over five years, and am thrilled with the results. Many have come all the way to Judaism. I do not agree with those online rabbis who put most of their efforts into debunking Christianity. It is my belief that most people learning straight Torah Judaism, will soon find that Judaism has had far greater inspirational men than Jesus, and will draw the proper conclusions. I am grateful to Sashya and Clear for bringing this mitzvah my way. In my next few posts, I will deal with what I have learned from my journey.