My Story 52

During the time after my illness, when I spent my time in bed, I felt very frustrated that the knowledge and experience I had accumulated were going to waste, benefiting no one. Then, one day I received a message from my Facebook friend, Ariella Butler (now Ariella A. Fishman), that Rabbi Yaakov Sandler was looking for other rabbis to write for his hugely successful FB group "A Taste of Torah". She had recommended me to him.I was shocked and pleased that I, a virtual unknown, would be approached. At the same time, I had severe reservations. I don't follow the party line of watered down Lithuanian Yeshiva Judaism or of its leadership. I follow Rabbi Nachman, unknown to most, hated by many. I consider the Sepharadic approach to halachah as the only authentic one. I am critical of Israeli life, and consider aliyah, at this juncture, to be the worst possible mistake anyone could make. How could I fit into Rabbi Sandler's program? Rabbi Sandler assured me of freedom of expression. I agreed to try it. I am enormously grateful to Ariella for opening that door for me. I wrote a post nearly every day for a year. The posts were well received. I had never considered myself as having any talent for writing. My days were spent working on the group, as well as speaking privately to group members all over the world about their questions concerning Judaism, as well as their personal problems. The work did not come with a salary, but generous people were helping us, particularly from the Sepharadic community in Long Beach, as well as loyal students. Then I realized that I was seeing before my eyes the fulfillment of one of Rabbi Nachman's teachings; that income has nothing to do with work. I was doing HaShem's work, and being sustained by Him as well. However, problems did arise. Other moderators were not as open as Rabbi Sandler. One wrote to me, scolding me for discussing halachah, which only the "gedolim" (the "great ones", i.e., the heads of the Lithuanian Yeshivot) had a right to do. Another moderator scolded me for my criticism of Rabbi ArtScroll, insisting that all rabbis need to show a united front. Yet another moderator was encouraging Karaites to join the group, with the hope of "bringing them back". More often, they would write arrogantly against the Oral Torah. I would boot those people from the group. But Rabbi Sandler felt that we needed to give them a chance to "do Teshuvah" (repent). I felt that we were, in essence, giving them a platform. Questions? Sure! Diatribes? No! Rabbi Sandler vacillated on this, changing his stance several times. I wanted to write an article against the near deification of ShlomIo Carlebach, that was nixed. I began to feel uncomfortable. On top of this, Rabbi Sandler would post pro-aliyah pleas, which made me very uneasy. I especially would be disturbed by posts based on fear: "Can't you see the writing on the wall? It's time to come home". Been there, done that. paid the price. I knew I could not continue. At this time, another long-time Facebook friend asked me to help run a private women's group. This is a topic near and dear to my heart. Some say I make Gloria Steinem look like a male chauvinist. But when the friend told me that her personal rabbi would also be running the group, I hesitated. She assured me that he was open and kind. I worked on that group for about two weeks. Then this "open and kind" rabbi began to berate my posts. I was helping the women to distinguish between halachah, and "this is the way we've always done it". The other rabbi protested that minhag (custom) is the primary guideline in Judaism (even if these minhagim are only a few decades old). That idea elicits in me feelings only sightly less extreme than listening to a neo-Nazi rally. To my mind, he was part of the problem, not part of the solution. I waited an hour for someone to say something in response to his insults, but no one did. I left the group. Sadly, the friend who got me to work with the group unfriended me.That is when I decided to make my own group. Although there have been bumps on the road, I feel that this is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  Seven years ago, an agent who matches up rabbis with congregations contacted me about a lucrative position not far from where I live. When I told him my reservations about taking another run-of-the-mill synagogue, where no one really cares about Torah or spirituality, whereas that is my main message, he told me "tell them that you don't believe in these things, but are forced to present that front in order to survive in an Orthodox community." Perhaps this is the best commentary on what Judaism and community have come to mean for most people. An old friend of mine was a convert. He had actually been a Minister (AME). He told me that a few years after he had left Christianity and the Ministry, a delegation from his old Church came to him asking him to come back to their congregation. "But I'm Jewish now!" he protested. "Oh, we don't care what you believe!"   I, too, have encountered an idealiziation of conformity, that screams "we don't care what you believe". An unexpected, but positive, turn of events occurred about seven years ago. A nice lady named Sashya Clark joined the group. I was extremely hesitant at first, as she made it clear that she was Messianic. I have long had Christians in the group. As long as they respected what the group was about, and did no evangelizing, that is fine. Messianics were a different story. They began as a trick of the Southern Baptist Church. They called it "Jews For Jesus". It was in every way a fundamentalist, missionizing group, Church funded,  but with kipot and tallitot, together with lots of "Mazel Tovs" It was deceptive from beginning to end. Many other such groups sprang up, all with self-styled rabbis, usually making it up as they went along. One, Hebrew Roots, is widely considered to be antisemitic. (I heartily agree). One of our members brilliantly dubbed these movements "Christianity with a Tallit". But Sashya was different. She believed in the Torah, Written and Oral, she believed in the Unity of G-d, and did not believe in the Divinity of Jesus.  For a year, I carefully watched her posts, and saw in them no deception. At the end of the year, she introduced me to Clear B'rewer, and the Assemble Together group. I held extensive talks with Clear, and became convinced in not only his sincerity, but in his Monotheism. He was openly critical of Church Doctrines, and committed to Torah values. Make no mistake, I am not  Messianic, nor do I believe that Jesus fulfilled any Scriptures. I also see nothing new or great in his teachings. But it is also possible, or even likely, that his teachings had been grossly distorted. This idea had already been put forth by Rabbi Yaakov Emden (1697-1776). Considering Rabbi Nachman's teaching that there is a mitzvah to bring non-Jews "close to the Faith of Israel", I cautiously accepted the task of teaching Judaism for A-T. I have been doing that for just over five years, and am thrilled with the results. Many have come all the way to Judaism. I do not agree with those online rabbis who put most of their efforts into debunking Christianity. It is my belief that most people learning straight Torah Judaism, will soon find that Judaism has had far greater inspirational men than Jesus, and will draw the proper conclusions. I am grateful to Sashya and Clear for bringing this mitzvah my way. In my next few posts, I will deal with what I have learned from my journey.

My Story 50

We returned happy from our trip down South. The next day, I was contacted by one of the members of our synagogue's three man executive board. He came over and announced "I've got great news! The Beth Shalom Synagogue from Long Beach is prepared to merge with us!" It was a scenario that had been discussed for years. The entire South Shore of Long Island; indeed, many parts in the New York Metropolitan area, had declined Jewishly. There were many socio-economic reasons for this, but the basic reality was that synagogues that had ten years earlier boasted of five hundred families, now were lucky to have one hundred. Conservative and Reform synagogues, could no longer afford membership in their respective organizational affiliations, and were going independent. This also meant the hiring of rabbis outside their denominational framework, often charlatans. Why should a Reform congregation give a Reform rabbi a $250,000 salary, when they could get someone for $50,000, with a smattering of training, who either purchased an ordination, or got one as a favor? This had actually worked to my benefit when I was hired at Island Park, as I was a "refugee", and willing to accept a subsistence wage, grateful to have a roof over my family's head. However, in the case of a merger, the standard procedure is to initially keep both synagogues' rabbis, and, after a period of transition, fire them both and hire one new rabbi. The man who came to speak with me assured me that this was not the case here. Our membership would double. My salary would go up. Now that there was another rabbi, I could have off every other week. Anyway, I need not worry, as the other rabbi was resigning shortly, and I would be the sole rabbi. In this case, the other rabbi was actually a cantor, whose primary income was from his own recording company. His knowledge of Judaism was meager.In fact, even Fr. Tutone, upon hearing this man speak, was astonished by his lack of learning. The "rabbi" admitted having purchased his rabbinic ordination. He would visit his mother in another city one hundred miles distant most Friday nights, and return Saturday morning to conduct services. He was not personally observant. The thought of sharing a pulpit with this man was frightening to me. Until now, I had carefully weighed and examined each issue, so as to accommodate a non-observant constituency, and yet remain within the bounds of halacha. Now I would need to deal with one who cared little for those concerns. But the man who came to speak with me had said that the other rabbi was resigning. On the other hand, I was also told that I could now have every other week off, because he was there. I went to speak with another member of the executive board, who "explained" that the one who came to speak to me was not qualified to understand what was discussed. I had nothing to fear. Thus began a year of lies and deception. Every week, I was given a different explanation of what was happening. Guarantees in my contract must be forfeited, so as not to violate "written agreements" with Beth Shalom. I went to speak with the officers of Beth Shalom, who assured me that there were no such agreements, written or otherwise. The U.S. Supreme Court had recently issued a ruling that clergy contracts were not enforceable, due to separation of Church and State considerations. In short, my lifetime contract wasn't worth the paper it was written on. Moreover, clergy are not eligible for unemployment insurance payments! One week I was told that both I and the other rabbi would be fired in a year, unless there was a unanimous vote of both boards to the contrary. Another week, the figure was two years. I went before the full synagogue board, and informed them of what was happening. The executive board told them that I "didn't understand". There were several members who assured me that they "had my back", but later acknowledged that they could do nothing. I was in an emotional tailspin. I first went down twenty pounds, and then went up fifty pounds. I could hardly sleep. Many people told me that I looked like I was dying. Actually, inside, I was. I knew that if this were to continue, I would not survive. I sent out resumes to places as far-flung as Hong Kong. It was no use. I was simply too old, and lacking in connections. A hopelessness descended upon me such as I had never known. After a year of this, I reviled the President of the congregation about the unethical, inhuman, and certainly un-Jewish treatment I was being subjected to. He said "suck it up". For the first and only time in my life, I "dropped an F-Bomb". I do not regret that one bit. I resigned. The congregation was (mis)- informed that I had demanded a huge raise in salary. This was not true at all. We were given a month to vacate our home. After ten years of sharing the joys and grief of these people, I was being cheated over the additional revenue the merger would bring. Most had no idea of what had happened. Still, I believe they should have made the effort to find out. I regretted not heeding the advice of colleagues who had years ago warned me "you're congregants are not your friends". I was later informed that shortly after this, at a Sunday breakfast at the synagogue, one of the members of the executive board said "Ah, Siegel; he had no courage to deal with this." One of my main supporters answered him "No. He was the only one in this with courage". I make it a habit to keep up with old friends. But the blatant betrayal and deception of that last year in Island Park, left Sima and me incapable of maintaining a relationship with them. Some people from the synagogue later took Sima and me out to lunch. They informed us that the other "rabbi" had quit, and not a single person from Beth Shalom attended services anymore.It had all been for naught. I knew it was the end of my career. I feared the prospect of being homeless. I was greatly encouraged when I made comments online, and had total strangers, in other parts of the country, invite us to move in with them (!!!). We knew that G-d had plans for everyone. But we could not see our next steps. The month of grace in our house was quickly passing. The mental picture of living on the street kept looming larger and larger. Worst of all, I believed that G-d had given me knowledge and talents that could, and should, be used in His service. I knew that few American rabbis had as much to give as I did. Would it all go to waste? Well, largely yes. But Rabbi Nachman teaches that we must be thankful for even a little, as Jacob had said, went confronting Esau, and dividing his family into two camps "If Esau comes, and attacks both mothers and children, there will still be a remaining camp". I did not know what that remaining camp would look like. Our next steps will be described in my coming installment.

My Story 49

The next ten years were blessedly uneventful. The only causes of anguish were the normal tensions and challenges of raising teenagers, compounded by the fact that we were teaching them a traditional Jewish lifestyle in a community where no one else was living that way. Yes, we were largely outsiders to the nearby Orthodox communities, but we continued to get encouragement and support from the Satmars, as well as from my teacher, Rabbi Kiwak, in Jerusalem. I could see positive effects of my presence in Island Park. Some people who used to drive to Shabbat services began to walk. Several people began lighting Shabbat candles. One young man who had been adopted, came to me for conversion, and accepted a completely observant lifestyle. One young woman who was already leaning in that direction, took the plunge. What I had thought would be a temporary stay, became semi-permanent. After a few years, I was given a lifetime contract. I was profoundly hurt by the tongue wagging in the Orthodox community, but I took comfort in the fact that Rabbi Nachman had gone through persecution, and urged a thought pattern of being happy with being right, even if everyone else thinks you are wrong. Besides, they were merely blindly following the New York rabbi who, for political gain, had declared the mechitzah to be Biblical (when it is not even rabbinical). My second year there brought two major changes in my life. First, as I have described in an earlier post, I had suffered greatly for twenty-six years from my separation from my daughter from my first, brief marriage. All the "experts" told me to stay away, as she was surely unaware of my existence. In September of 2002, she had discovered the website that my son, Nachman, had made for me when I was looking for employment. She contacted me. My absence had been a dark hole in her life all these years, as her absence had been in mine. She had heard terrible things about me. But she took a chance. We met, and fell in love with each other. Sima accepted her as a daughter. This was perhaps the most healing event in my life. She is now married with two beautiful children. We both feel blessed. At about the same time, I had a different kind of healing. For ten years, I never had a real night's sleep. I would wake up every twenty to forty minutes needing to go to the lavatory. The doctors in Israel assured me that there was no physical reason for this, and it was all in my head. In the last several years, I would, every five or six months, experience strange symptoms with several of my senses, weakness in parts of my body, and temporary memory loss. I now had an episode like this that was particularly bad. I was admitted to a hospital, where tests showed that I had suffered a series of minute strokes, called Wallenberg strokes, which had each affected small parts of my brain. I was told that nothing could be done, and these would continue, leading eventually to paralysis and death. At this time, the young woman in our congregation who became observant got engaged to a young doctor who specialized in sleep issues, especially apnea, which was a virtually unknown condition at that time. He invited me to his lab. where he found that I had severe sleep apnea. He prescribed a breathing machine known as a CPAP. The condition was literally gone overnight! Today, there is much wider knowledge about apnea. But, had I not come to Island Park, there is no doubt that I would not have lived much longer. Rabbi Nachman's teaching that we must look for the good in every bad situation was taking real form before my eyes. Over the next years, all of my kids married. In my ninth and tenth years in Island Park, Sima and I took three road trips. Only one of our kids was still unmarried at that time, but she was quite capable of taking care of herself. I have long had a very special feeling for the American South, but had never actually seen it. We took one trip to Virginia. Then another to West Virginia. Then, we took a very ambitious trip all the way down to Florida. We were on a shoestring budget. We stayed mostly with Facebook friends. We were warmly received everywhere. One lady in Florida with whom we had become quite close online, remarked with a smile "My Daddy must be rolling in his grave. I have house guests who are not only Yankees but Jews!". In Richmond, Virginia, we stayed with Rabbi Joseph Kolakowski, who soon would be instrumental in introducing our daughter Nechama, to the man who is now her husband. It was an amazing trip. When we returned, however, everything changed. That will be the next part of my story.

My Story 48

Just as in my story about Hussein, who came to my family's rescue when it looked like we would have no place to live (in sharp contradistinction to our treatment by Israeli society), and built our house for free, so an unlikely friend arose, who looked after us throughout our stay in Island Park, and even to this day is there for us when we need him. His name is Father John Tutone (the "e' is pronounced), today Monseigneur Tutone. Just a few years my senior, he grew up in the Brooklyn neighborhood adjacent to the one in which I grew up. He had been in Island Park for many years, which is most unusual. The Catholic Church usually switches around priests every few years. But heavily Catholic Island Park refused to allow Fr John to go. He is a Renaissance man; a scholar in several classical languages, as well as fluent in many modern languages, including Modern Greek and Tagalog. He is kind, compassionate, and understanding to all. I was surprised when I spoke to Priests from other areas who didn't like him. They considered him hopelessly conservative, both theologically and politically. But none of this showed in his interactions with people. In fact, in the period before I was hired there as the rabbi, members of the Jewish community often turned to him in times of crisis. Once I came, not only did he welcome us publicly, but praised me to his congregation. He told his flock to pray for my success. A year later, when I was briefly hospitalized, he instructed his people to pray for my recovery. Many of Island Park's Catholic community began to turn to me for guidance as well. Some still do so, despite the fact that I have been away for thirteen years. He has much political influence, in Island Park and beyond. When he learned that the local school board had rejected our plea for transportation to Jewish Day Schools, he got on the phone with the head of the school board, and ordered her to find us transportation. An hour later, all was set up! He didn't stop there, but also lent us the Church van on a number of occasions so that we could move furniture and appliances into our new home. My eldest son, Nachman, had quickly found employment in the area of graphic design. But my second son, Natan, decided he wanted to go to college. But colleges, even Jewish colleges, tolerate much behavior with which I am not comfortable. I approached Fr John. The next day, Natan was admitted to a Catholic College, where he studied accounting. He never experienced there any antisemitism, or evangelism. When he took off for the Purim holiday, he phoned a classmate to find out what he had missed. The classmate said: "Nothing. Sr Joan spent the entire hour talking about how much she admires your piety and devotion." When he graduated, Fr John made the right political connections for Natan to secure an accounting position with the county government. When, in the course of my rabbinic duties, I would encounter Jews who were in need of medical or financial aid, Fr John would always make the connections to help them. In an early discussion between us, we got into the issue of the reprehensible way the Church had treated the Jews. He acknowledged that this had happened, but thought that the main problem had been the nobility, rather than the Church. This conversation/argument went on for half an hour. Finally, he said something that made a deep impression on me. "Jeff, let's suppose you're right. What now?" I was totally taken aback. This man was extending the hand of friendship, helping us in so many ways, with never a hint of any hidden agenda. Are we to be enemies because of things that happened before either of us had been born? He fully acknowledged that there had been an ugly history, but he, and others, were doing everything possible to change the future. Around that time, the American Council of Catholic Bishops had passed a resolution, saying "G-d's covenant with the Jewish people is ongoing". I asked him if this was now Vatican policy. He said "No. But it's the policy of American Bishops. No more evangelism, No more antisemitism. You are fine the way you are". I saw this in action shortly afterwards. A Jewish couple had divorced, and the man now planned to marry a Catholic woman, and came to Fr John to do the ceremony. Fr John called the ex-wife to ask if there was any reason he should not do so. "Yes" replied the wife. "He refuses to give me a 'get' (Jewish divorce). Fr John told the man that not only would he not do the ceremony, but would see to it that no other Priest would do so either, until the "get" was given. He attended Natan's wedding. He gave a sermon praising it the following Sunday. He keeps a picture of that wedding on his desk to this day.  If there were more people among us who acted like Msgr Tutone, it would be a very different world.