My Story 52

During the time after my illness, when I spent my time in bed, I felt very frustrated that the knowledge and experience I had accumulated were going to waste, benefiting no one. Then, one day I received a message from my Facebook friend, Ariella Butler (now Ariella A. Fishman), that Rabbi Yaakov Sandler was looking for other rabbis to write for his hugely successful FB group "A Taste of Torah". She had recommended me to him.I was shocked and pleased that I, a virtual unknown, would be approached. At the same time, I had severe reservations. I don't follow the party line of watered down Lithuanian Yeshiva Judaism or of its leadership. I follow Rabbi Nachman, unknown to most, hated by many. I consider the Sepharadic approach to halachah as the only authentic one. I am critical of Israeli life, and consider aliyah, at this juncture, to be the worst possible mistake anyone could make. How could I fit into Rabbi Sandler's program? Rabbi Sandler assured me of freedom of expression. I agreed to try it. I am enormously grateful to Ariella for opening that door for me. I wrote a post nearly every day for a year. The posts were well received. I had never considered myself as having any talent for writing. My days were spent working on the group, as well as speaking privately to group members all over the world about their questions concerning Judaism, as well as their personal problems. The work did not come with a salary, but generous people were helping us, particularly from the Sepharadic community in Long Beach, as well as loyal students. Then I realized that I was seeing before my eyes the fulfillment of one of Rabbi Nachman's teachings; that income has nothing to do with work. I was doing HaShem's work, and being sustained by Him as well. However, problems did arise. Other moderators were not as open as Rabbi Sandler. One wrote to me, scolding me for discussing halachah, which only the "gedolim" (the "great ones", i.e., the heads of the Lithuanian Yeshivot) had a right to do. Another moderator scolded me for my criticism of Rabbi ArtScroll, insisting that all rabbis need to show a united front. Yet another moderator was encouraging Karaites to join the group, with the hope of "bringing them back". More often, they would write arrogantly against the Oral Torah. I would boot those people from the group. But Rabbi Sandler felt that we needed to give them a chance to "do Teshuvah" (repent). I felt that we were, in essence, giving them a platform. Questions? Sure! Diatribes? No! Rabbi Sandler vacillated on this, changing his stance several times. I wanted to write an article against the near deification of ShlomIo Carlebach, that was nixed. I began to feel uncomfortable. On top of this, Rabbi Sandler would post pro-aliyah pleas, which made me very uneasy. I especially would be disturbed by posts based on fear: "Can't you see the writing on the wall? It's time to come home". Been there, done that. paid the price. I knew I could not continue. At this time, another long-time Facebook friend asked me to help run a private women's group. This is a topic near and dear to my heart. Some say I make Gloria Steinem look like a male chauvinist. But when the friend told me that her personal rabbi would also be running the group, I hesitated. She assured me that he was open and kind. I worked on that group for about two weeks. Then this "open and kind" rabbi began to berate my posts. I was helping the women to distinguish between halachah, and "this is the way we've always done it". The other rabbi protested that minhag (custom) is the primary guideline in Judaism (even if these minhagim are only a few decades old). That idea elicits in me feelings only sightly less extreme than listening to a neo-Nazi rally. To my mind, he was part of the problem, not part of the solution. I waited an hour for someone to say something in response to his insults, but no one did. I left the group. Sadly, the friend who got me to work with the group unfriended me.That is when I decided to make my own group. Although there have been bumps on the road, I feel that this is probably the most rewarding thing I have ever done.  Seven years ago, an agent who matches up rabbis with congregations contacted me about a lucrative position not far from where I live. When I told him my reservations about taking another run-of-the-mill synagogue, where no one really cares about Torah or spirituality, whereas that is my main message, he told me "tell them that you don't believe in these things, but are forced to present that front in order to survive in an Orthodox community." Perhaps this is the best commentary on what Judaism and community have come to mean for most people. An old friend of mine was a convert. He had actually been a Minister (AME). He told me that a few years after he had left Christianity and the Ministry, a delegation from his old Church came to him asking him to come back to their congregation. "But I'm Jewish now!" he protested. "Oh, we don't care what you believe!"   I, too, have encountered an idealiziation of conformity, that screams "we don't care what you believe". An unexpected, but positive, turn of events occurred about seven years ago. A nice lady named Sashya Clark joined the group. I was extremely hesitant at first, as she made it clear that she was Messianic. I have long had Christians in the group. As long as they respected what the group was about, and did no evangelizing, that is fine. Messianics were a different story. They began as a trick of the Southern Baptist Church. They called it "Jews For Jesus". It was in every way a fundamentalist, missionizing group, Church funded,  but with kipot and tallitot, together with lots of "Mazel Tovs" It was deceptive from beginning to end. Many other such groups sprang up, all with self-styled rabbis, usually making it up as they went along. One, Hebrew Roots, is widely considered to be antisemitic. (I heartily agree). One of our members brilliantly dubbed these movements "Christianity with a Tallit". But Sashya was different. She believed in the Torah, Written and Oral, she believed in the Unity of G-d, and did not believe in the Divinity of Jesus.  For a year, I carefully watched her posts, and saw in them no deception. At the end of the year, she introduced me to Clear B'rewer, and the Assemble Together group. I held extensive talks with Clear, and became convinced in not only his sincerity, but in his Monotheism. He was openly critical of Church Doctrines, and committed to Torah values. Make no mistake, I am not  Messianic, nor do I believe that Jesus fulfilled any Scriptures. I also see nothing new or great in his teachings. But it is also possible, or even likely, that his teachings had been grossly distorted. This idea had already been put forth by Rabbi Yaakov Emden (1697-1776). Considering Rabbi Nachman's teaching that there is a mitzvah to bring non-Jews "close to the Faith of Israel", I cautiously accepted the task of teaching Judaism for A-T. I have been doing that for just over five years, and am thrilled with the results. Many have come all the way to Judaism. I do not agree with those online rabbis who put most of their efforts into debunking Christianity. It is my belief that most people learning straight Torah Judaism, will soon find that Judaism has had far greater inspirational men than Jesus, and will draw the proper conclusions. I am grateful to Sashya and Clear for bringing this mitzvah my way. In my next few posts, I will deal with what I have learned from my journey.